Whenever you feel betrayed and lied to it is very important to feel into it. What is your intuition telling you? Feelings of mistrust can be triggered easily when your basic trust in people has been damaged, in early childhood or later in life. Inconsequent behaviour or non-predictability from care givers in our childhood can cause this, but infidelity and being abused by authority figures or organisations during our adult life can be very damaging as well. It’s important to acknowledge this and make it the focus of healing in order to be able to trust again.
However, sometimes your intuition is right and there are situations that are dangerous, harmful, or destructive. And some people are hurting you, or crossing your boundaries. How to distinguish these situations from past experiences and triggered ‘old’ pain?
Recently I have read a lot about intuition. Your intuition never lies to you. Never. How come I pushed it away? And forced myself in impossible-to-survive situations? Into relationships that harmed me? Into trying to make amends with people who betrayed me and hurt me deeply?
I have been hard on myself regarding the topic of trust. Whenever I experienced dishonesty or betrayal, or I sense something being ‘off’ when interacting with certain people I usually have two subsequent reactions. Anger, and then, very quickly, guilt. Guilt of not trusting others.
The story would go something like this: “Who am I to accuse someone of being insincere?” – “They probably are not consciously trying to harm me.” – “It’s not fair of me to not believe them/not trust them/feel betrayed.” – “They are people and they don’t know better.” – “You shouldn’t think bad about others.”
The story of mistrust followed by guilt is what I need to release. It’s the downside of being an empath, you are able to feel into the feelings and thoughts of others and understand them. And of course some of the thoughts in the story might be true. We are all human and make mistakes, conscious or unconscious (by projecting blame for example, to protect oneself from feelings of failure and incompetence). But the intention is not important really. In thinking that people didn’t mean to be destructive, I forced myself into forgiveness and forgot to set boundaries. And I pushed away my intuition which was only trying to protect me. And it happened over and over again. Eventually, my intuition shut down, because I couldn’t trust myself in protecting my True Self.
“Dear Soul, I’m sorry for not listening to my intuition, Your Voice. Forgive me. I love you for guiding me through darkness regardless. Thank you. I will listen now.” – me
But not today. Today I release this story. From now on I vow to acknowledge my intuition, my inner voice, and to act in alignment with it. To protect myself when needed, to step out of harm’s way, to set boundaries when I need to.